A Tribute to the Honourable PM John Howard

By Alexander Glumac

His full name is John Winston Howard,

But to most of us he’s a coward.

He went to Canterbury Boys High School,

He supports the Dragons, what a fool.

He studied Law at the University of Sydney,

But he told us lies about the AWB.

He does things like a typical Yank,

And when he sees Bush, he has a wank.

He and Peter Costello are good mates,

No wonder why we have high interest rates.

In high school, he failed maths,

When he became PM, he upped the tax.

He is worth more than a million dollars,

His overseas trips are funded by the ‘blue collars’.

S**t hit the fan when he introduced GST,

John didn’t even care to a tee.

What about his IR laws – How worse can it get?

I bet all the Liberal voters have regrets.

He sent our troops to Iraq to restore peace,

He’ll never send his kids, nor his nephew or niece.

He goes for a walk everyday to keep off the weight,

All of his meals cost up to $1000 a plate.

He is always visiting George Bush and Tony Blair,

At taxpayer’s expense, now you tell me is that fair?

His dinner invites costs up to $10 000 a head,

Some people can’t even afford a loaf of bread.

Government spends billions to help other countries in need,

What about the Aussies who can’t get a decent feed?

He makes sure all the money is collected by the taxman,

So he can be driven around in a Holden Statesman.

He admits he was a failure at cricket,

Because he’d miss the ball and hit the wicket.

In Government, he’s always playing cat and mouse,

On the weekend he chills out at Kirribilli House.

At one stage he wanted to abolish Medicare,

No wonder why many are pulling out their hair.

He never showed any sympathy for the working class,

Only for the ones who sit on their ass.

He maintains he won’t step down as PM,

Oh, God, I need some anti-venom.

He accused Kevin Rudd of being dishonest and lying,

But John forgot about those children, the ones crying.

The ones that went overboard back in 2001,

I hope he’s not named Australia’s favourite son.

There’s one thing I don’t get about John,

And it’s not because he’s a con.

If he can wear Armani suits, fly first class and eat like a pig,

Then why can’t he buy himself a wig?